oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
