OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize