I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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