I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
