dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
