rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
