I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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