He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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