we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
