Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
