Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize