I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i will never coherently bang her
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
