my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
