Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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