My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
