youre lurking in front of me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
