I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
