I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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