The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
