Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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