booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
well you can't waste a boner
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
