he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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