im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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