god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
