I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He better not be in your backpack
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
