just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
