Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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