If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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