I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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