But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude i'm inner monologue high
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
