i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
