Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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