I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
