yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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