If i come over, it means nothing
I wish I could punch you in the face.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
