my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
