I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
