You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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