I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize