He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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