Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
