Dual....:-)
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
