forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
