Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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