I CAN MOONWALK!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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