Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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