"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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