I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
