new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
