tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
