I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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