you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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