my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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