Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
