Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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