Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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