Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
