The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
