Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I could make wine with my vomit
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
