we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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