Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
