see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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