Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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