just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You smell like a Billy Joel song
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
