I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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