bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
