so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
