Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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