wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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