i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
