Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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