I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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