hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize